i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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