you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
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Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
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Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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