My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
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Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
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I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Damn victory sex feels great
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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