You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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