My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize