its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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