Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize