I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
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thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
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Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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