My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
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we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
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I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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