I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching her eat just hurts me
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
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