gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
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i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
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Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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