Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize