I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
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Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
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He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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