No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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