Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
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I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
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If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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