If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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