I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is Oprah even human
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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