there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
