It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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