There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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