I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
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