chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Is her dick bigger than yours?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize