they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
this will be a night to untag.
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The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
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Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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