Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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