just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
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you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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