You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
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Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
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Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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