It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
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I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
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I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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