she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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