We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
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As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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