Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize