I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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