no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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