Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize