The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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