4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize