STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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