i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
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It's chlamydia! Thank God!
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
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She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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