My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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