I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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