I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
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while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
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Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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