The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
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Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Houston, we have a blender
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
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My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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