I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
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I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
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Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize