I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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