I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
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Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
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I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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