We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
