I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
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Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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