Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
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Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
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We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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