I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
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Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
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You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
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