I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
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My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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