there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize