There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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