those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize